Last week I decided to stop wearing my wig, and start going out with my “real” hair. After chemo, my hair came in completely silver, in addition to being so curly that it looks kind of like a very short Afro. So I decided to dye it myself on that snow day last week; after all, how hard could it be since since it’s so short? I used L’Oreal Preference (shameless product plug) which was really easy and came out exactly the way it looked on the box, plus saved me about $60 bucks vs. having it done at the salon.
Whoa nelly. It looks really wacky, but I have to say, I kind of like it. It’s taking a really long time to grow in, only about half an inch since my last chemo at the end of August. I expected it to be longer by now. I had so much chemo that it just took forever to come back in. It’s been almost 5 months and it’s just now that I have what I’d call a head of hair again. Think Susan Powter (Stop the Insanity – remember her with that short, silvery white crewcut) except with brown hair. Kind of a startling sight. But this is me, now.
|Sooooo glad that my hair is starting to come back in!|
I went on a business trip last Friday and went wig-free during a work meeting for the first time since I lost my hair. I took a train trip in and out of Washington, DC and I have to admit, I got a few odd looks as I walked through the train cars looking for a seat with this exceedingly short hair, but all in all, I consider myself to be “out” now. It’s REALLY short and sort of sticks out all over (not in a fashionable or funky way, believe me), but it’s soooo nice not to have that itchy wig on anymore and it’s very freeing to finally go out without it.
The thing is, everyone loved my wig so much, that through the entire year people would say, “You don’t look sick at all, you look so great, the wig is so nice!” Well, the reason I looked so healthy and didn’t seem sick, was because of this very nice, thick, shiny wig I’ve been wearing. And frankly, I’ve been a little worried that once people see me without it, they’re going to be shocked, and finally realize just how sick I actually was. I hate to be thought of as weak especially now, when I feel really healthy and strong.
It’s weird how much the whole hair thing bothered me and how long it’s taking me to be okay with it. I think it’s good for me, forcing me to let go of some of my vanity. During the weekend, I went out and about sans wig, running errands. I would forget all about it; after all, the wig was the oddity, the thing that was new for me, but every now and then I’d catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or in the car window and would be a bit surprised at the crazy-haired almost bald woman looking back at me.
People who see me try to be nice and say things like, “Oh, once you put a little hair product in it, it’ll be okay,” or “Why don’t you put a little product in it?” to which I reply, “Believe me, there’s lots of hair product in this ‘do, this is the best I can make it look, ’cause there’s just not enough of it yet!” It’s kind of a lesson in humility.
But I sure hope I remember these day a few years out when my hair gets back to normal, and that I don’t complain that I’m having a bad hair day. Any day WITH hair should be a good hair day for me, from now on.