Last week I decided to stop wearing my wig, and start going out with my “real” hair. After chemo, my hair came in completely silver, in addition to being so curly that it looks kind of like a very short Afro. So I decided to dye it myself on that snow day last week; after all, how hard could it be since since it’s so short? I used L’Oreal Preference (shameless product plug) which was really easy and came out exactly the way it looked on the box, plus saved me about $60 bucks vs. having it done at the salon.
Whoa nelly. It looks really wacky, but I have to say, I kind of like it. It’s taking a really long time to grow in, only about half an inch since my last chemo at the end of August. I expected it to be longer by now. I had so much chemo that it just took forever to come back in. It’s been almost 5 months and it’s just now that I have what I’d call a head of hair again. Think Susan Powter (Stop the Insanity – remember her with that short, silvery white crewcut) except with brown hair. Kind of a startling sight. But this is me, now.
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| Sooooo glad that my hair is starting to come back in! |
I went on a business trip last Friday and went wig-free during a work meeting for the first time since I lost my hair. I took a train trip in and out of Washington, DC and I have to admit, I got a few odd looks as I walked through the train cars looking for a seat with this exceedingly short hair, but all in all, I consider myself to be “out” now. It’s REALLY short and sort of sticks out all over (not in a fashionable or funky way, believe me), but it’s soooo nice not to have that itchy wig on anymore and it’s very freeing to finally go out without it.
The thing is, everyone loved my wig so much, that through the entire year people would say, “You don’t look sick at all, you look so great, the wig is so nice!” Well, the reason I looked so healthy and didn’t seem sick, was because of this very nice, thick, shiny wig I’ve been wearing. And frankly, I’ve been a little worried that once people see me without it, they’re going to be shocked, and finally realize just how sick I actually was. I hate to be thought of as weak especially now, when I feel really healthy and strong.
It’s weird how much the whole hair thing bothered me and how long it’s taking me to be okay with it. I think it’s good for me, forcing me to let go of some of my vanity. During the weekend, I went out and about sans wig, running errands. I would forget all about it; after all, the wig was the oddity, the thing that was new for me, but every now and then I’d catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or in the car window and would be a bit surprised at the crazy-haired almost bald woman looking back at me.
People who see me try to be nice and say things like, “Oh, once you put a little hair product in it, it’ll be okay,” or “Why don’t you put a little product in it?” to which I reply, “Believe me, there’s lots of hair product in this ‘do, this is the best I can make it look, ’cause there’s just not enough of it yet!” It’s kind of a lesson in humility.
But I sure hope I remember these day a few years out when my hair gets back to normal, and that I don’t complain that I’m having a bad hair day. Any day WITH hair should be a good hair day for me, from now on.
Claudia!!
I don’t see the Susan Powter resemblance at all! You look adorable and now that you’ve gotten past the wig/hair deal, you can spend more time and money on lipstick! Seriously, you’re courageous to follow your heart and it’s wonderful that you’re confident and comfortable in your skin to be out and about sans wig. If you continue to dye your hair yourself, please don’t use the box stuff. Go to the beauty supply store and get developer 20 and a professional dye. Less chemicals and less damage to your hair.
Hooray Claudia! This is wonderful news!
xo
Angela
Claudia, I’m glad it’s starting to grow back in! Yay! Once it’s out a little bit more, maybe a hairdresser can sort of trim it up to give it some shape if it’s not doing what you want. I can’t tell from the photo completely how it looks, but you look fine to me. I’m just so glad you’re feeling good and getting stronger all the time. You’ve been amazing through all of this. I keep thinking you’re almost done with all the really hard things you’ve faced. So glad to hear you’re feeling so well. xoxo
Hi Angela!
Thanks for the tip on the hair developer 20. I have no idea what that means, but I’ll figure it out 🙂 Thanks for the vote of confidence.
XO
Claudia
Sue – Thanks!! Yes, I’m almost done. Cannot wait for the surgery to be done and then I will be done. I’m feeling great…. XO Claudia
Good for you, Claudia for “wigging out”. This reminds me of a time many years ago when I went to visit my brother and his wife in Singapore for 10 days for moral support while she was undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. My sister-in-law, Lilian, is extremely fashion and image-conscious, and going completely bald, though temporary, was a bit much for her. So she purchased a wig. Singapore is hot and humid and she found it uncomfortable, so often she would take it off and cover her head in a colorful pretty silk kerchief. Now I am almost completely bald and my brother is well on his way. One of the nights there, for some inexplicable and unexpected but delicious reason, and even though she had gone through a chemo session that very day, Lilian was in a great mood while having dinner. Her high spirits rapidly became contagious and we were all soon fairly giddy; giddy enough for me to try on her wig and dance about the living room, doing Bon Jovi imitations. My brother soon took my cue and utter happy havoc ensued. We all now remember that night as one of the silliest and most fun we have ever had. At one point Lilian took of the kerchief and danced as well, completely bald. Knowing how hard this was to face for her and how bravely she did so and cast aside those torments to celebrate such a simple thing as dinner with family still stands as a lasting image and lesson for me. To me she never looked more beautiful than at that moment.
I am happy to report that some 8 or 9 years later, Lilian is doing very well, has her own beautiful hair, and that I wear my baldness with something between dignity and utter indifference, and no longer do Bon Jovi imitations.
Lorenzo – What a lovely story, thank you so much for sharing it. And PLEASE don’t stop doing you Bon Jovi imitations, that seems like it will be such a loss to all the rest of us. Give Lilian my best and I’m very happy to hear she’s doing so well after 8+ years. XO Claudia
You look like a Modern Dancer.
I love it 🙂
Clean and simple..authentic
carolg
Thanks, Carol. A dancer, eh? I like that thought, I’ll embrace that for a while 🙂 Claudia
You crack me me up