Lately, I’ve been in a bit of a conundrum about what to write on here. Because I started this blog to chronicle my experience with breast cancer. And these days, I actually forget, for hours at a time, that I had breast cancer last year. I wake up often, with no thought of breast cancer, but with thoughts about the day ahead and what I plan to accomplish.
It seems almost unreal that last year at this time, I was going through chemotherapy. I feel so normal, so regular, so back to the way life was, and I worry that I haven’t learned the lesson that last year was supposed to have taught me. As if that’s what it was, a lesson, rather than the random physical occurrence that it actually was.
In some ways, I’m re-learning how to live my life now that I’m not sick anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually almost blissfully happy these days. I wake up happy, I’m ridiculously happy for no reason at all during much of the day, the most mundane things amuse and delight me, I happily sing songs in chorus with my IPod during the day when I’m putting away the dishes from the dishwasher or vacuuming the family room. I bound out of bed, make sandwiches for the kids for school, get them out the door, jump in the shower, attack my work each day with tons of energy, visit clients, run errands, read books, watch movies, take walks, clean, weed and do all the things I didn’t have the energy to do last year. But what is my purpose, what am I going to write about?
I’m being patient with this process. I think it will just take time to unfold. I guess I’m in transition. I would like to just BE, for a while. Just relish the day. Just enjoy my health, my kids, my home.
It may mean that I won’t be on here as often. So bear with me. And I’ll be back to you when things come to mind that seem important enough to write about.
Hi Claudia,
Great to stumble on your blog! Best of luck with your journey! Have you heard about FAMEDS fight for Avastin to stay on-label for the 17,500 women with metastatic breast cancer that it is working for? Please sign and share the urgent petition: http://fameds.org/petition.php
Claudia, it’s a good thing that you’re feeling healthy and not sick any more. I’m so relieved that last year is behind you. It IS a “lesson,” though, too, I think–it sure has been one for me, anyway! Your cancer was a huge lesson for me in so many ways. A reminder to enjoy every minute and realize how lucky I am. Corny, but true!
Hi Claudia,
It will make itself clear, as you said. In the meantime, Conundrum
happens to be one of my favorite wines for many reasons. I suggest
you get a bottle, chill well and enjoy it on Sunday when rumor has it,
the sun will put in an appearance!
hugs,
Angela
Claudia, I think writing about feeling happy and normal after the Big Rollercoaster is a great thing to write about! It’s been such a struggle for me to get back to some kind of new normal, I’m always encouraged when I hear that someone else has managed to do so. That feeling of the most mundane things causing delight is fantastic. I hope we both manage to hang onto that. xxoo
What a difference a year makes! Just to have that energy, to be able to do the things you like/need to do and to revel in the mundane is a gift. I learned long ago that a writer writes. The spirit will move you and when you get that need to communicate, you’ll keep doing it here or, in shorter snippets, on Facebook. Enjoy every day and don’t look back to the bad times.