Five years ago today I found the lump in my left breast. I’ve been trying to figure out what to say about it and what to call today. Is it an anniversary? A cancerversary? A 5 year celebration of survivorship?
I’m very literal, words mean a lot to me, and it’s important to me that I use the exact right word for every instance. So these words have never quite worked for me, because they have connotations of celebration and joy, which are emotions that I don’t connect with the day 5 years ago when I was first aware of the lump in my left breast.
And then recently someone I respect said I was in remission, and it sat right with me.
The National Cancer Institute at the National Institutes of Health defines remission as:
A decrease in or disappearance of signs and symptoms of cancer. In partial remission, some, but not all, signs and symptoms of cancer have disappeared. In complete remission, all signs and symptoms of cancer have disappeared, although cancer still may be in the body.
Hooray for remission.
For me, it puts context around the controversy over breast cancer survival data and how these survival rates are defined within a five year post-diagnosis window, not accounting for women who have a recurrence after that window. The 5 year survival data is so confusing and very controversial and it makes my head ache and just fills me with ambiguity. At times, I have actually feared my 5 year date, since I was sure it meant I would have a recurrence right before, or immediately after the day.
But remission I can deal with, remission I can own.
So. I celebrate today. Because, holy smokes, it’s 5 full years after I found out that I had breast cancer, and I am strong and active and full of energy and full of life and full of joy and full of hope for the future and…..just full.
I have my strength back, I feel just as strong and vibrant as I did on the day before this day, 5 years ago, when I didn’t know that the lump in my left breast even existed.
In those 5 years, I’ve witnessed landmarks that many people are never able to achieve. I’ve seen my oldest child graduate from high school and head into college; next year my youngest will do the same. I’m grateful that I’m able to be here for these moments and will only shout out my joy at the universe for giving me these years as I grab on for a lot more to come.
That’s my stake in the ground. I own this. I will not give in to the notion of recurrence, I will own my remission. And I declare into the universe that I will continue to own it for another 30, 40, hell, 50 years to come.
Your left breast? Me, too 🙂 Congratulations on your 5 year cancerversary! It’s a happy dance celebration day!
Peggy recently posted…11 Life Freeing Lessons I Learned From the Breast Cancer Beast
Yours, too? Thank you, I’m starting to really let it in and begin the celebration. I think a trip to Paris is in order to celebrate……!
Mine was in my left also & my 5 year date was this past June. And I love this post! May we all ontinue to enjoy “remission” for many many years to come…yeah, 50 years sounds good to me. 🙂
Hi Kim, yes, here’s to 50+ years for all of us! xoxoxo
Rock that celebration, Claudia! You deserve it!! Congratulations on owning your five years and I wish you at least 50 more! Debbie
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Thank you so much, Debbie! xo
That is such wonderful news…and a wonderful word. I’m sending hugs and good wishes to you, my friend. Go to Paris. There’ll never be a better reason.
Thank you, my dear friend. And, yes, a trip to Paris is in the works for Spring! xo
*grins* It made me so happy to discover this shared on Facebook, and to read this. And you’re right about the correct word mattering. Took me 40 minutes to remember precisely the right phrase last night at pilates, when my brain sputtered to a halt (‘impugning her chastity’, in case you’re wondering (there was context!)).
I’m thrilled to pieces that ‘remission’ fits you.
Considerer recently posted…My Trans Best Friend
*smiles* so glad you saw it, too. I’ve been too busy to check in w/bloppys but miss you and the gang so thanks for stopping by. “Impugning her chastity?!” What a fabulous turn of a phrase. Must read the context surrounding it. Thank you, Lizzi!! xoxo
So proud. When I think about you now I never think about cancer. Had a shitty day at work yesterday. Thanks for reminding me about the important things. Your personal strength shows.
Hey hon. I’ll call u, don’t ever let that stupid job drive you crazy! It’s just a means to an end. xoxo
I am so happy, thrilled that you are here today and tomorrow and hell 50 years from now. I am so happy that you saw your child graduate and will one day watch them marry and have kids. I am so happy that you will watch your youngest step into the college ring soon and fulfill their dreams as well. I am just so, so happy for you and now I am going to cook a terrific dinner to celebrate that my friend Claudia is here for it all!
Rena McDaniel recently posted…THE EMOTIONAL CHANGES OF ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE
Aw, Rena – you’re the best! You’re such a warm hearted and caring person! And enjoy that dinner, sounds wonderful! xoxox
Congratulations on remission and congratulations on staking your claim and refusing to give in the the notion of recurrence!
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Thank you, Gretchen! xo
Oh CONGRATS on this milestone! You are a warrior!!
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Congratulations! Every day you live cancer free is a victory. My mom is approaching her 7th year cancer free (breast cancer) and I continue to pray for more. Hearing victories like yours and the countless other women who are fighting, gives me hope that these years are just the beginning.
You definitely to own this!! Congratulations!!
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A rose by any other name….
Call it what you will. I for one am over the moon you are there, Claudia, because no matter what you call it, I’m doing a happy dance for you being in remission, my dear friend.
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Thank you, my friend! I’ll join you in that happy dance xo
Awesomeness! Congrats and here’s to your health in 2015 and beyond.
Judy Freedman recently posted…Self-Care For The Soul: An Interview with Life Coach Pamela Mulhearn
Thanks, Judy!
A wonderful post, Claudia. Congratulations on your remission.
With blessings,
Dani
Dani recently posted…Compassion is a muscle
Hi Claudia,
As you know, you and I are pretty close in some of these matters. My five year milestone is coming up this spring and I’m not quite sure how to feel about it. Of course, I’m thrilled and all, but it’s not like we’re magically out of the woods when we hit that marker. We know better. But remission – now that is a word worth celebrating for sure. Cheers, Claudia!
Nancy’s Point recently posted…A Trip to the Dentist & Details, Details, Details…
Yes, we seem to be on a very similar timeline, Nancy. Thanks for stopping by, as always, and congratulations on your own 5 year milestone!
Don’t know how I missed this first time around, but congrats. My friend has 15 years and I know you’ll get there, too!
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Thanks for the kind note, Carol! xo
Love: “That’s my stake in the ground. I own this. I will not give in to the notion of recurrence, I will own my remission. And I declare into the universe that I will continue to own it for another 30, 40, hell, 50 years to come.”
Congratulations.
Leisa A. Hammett recently posted…The Inability to Run From Life: A Midlife Blogger’s Perspective
Awww, thank you, Leisa! I so appreciate your very kind words! I wish I’d spent time with you at the conference, I hope that at the next one we get to spend a dinner together so that I can get to know you better. Your blog is wonderful and I think we have a lot in common. I’ll be following your posts!
Thanks, Leisa, that means a lot coming from you. xoxo
So wonderful to get to know you a bit at BAM. I’m going to send a link to your blog to my trainer I was talking to you about. Yes — celebrate the beauty in each day and I can only imagine the significance you felt on the day you wrote this post.
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Hi Jamie – I had such fun talking to you, hope I get to spend more time with you at the next one! Let me know if you get to go to BlogHer as I’d love to come into the city and have dinner with you or a group of the MLB’ers ones night. xo
PS Five years and five more and then five more–I wish that for you, Claudia!
Carol Cassara recently posted…Do you agree that resistance is futile?
Awww…..thank you, Carol xoxoxo